Fifty-Boy
23
At Least My Teeth Were Real
It wasn't hard to just go to sleep when you wanted to sleep and get up when you were ready to get up. But when I had the luxury of doing what I wanted when I wanted, I reverted to a workaday schedule and got up early and worried if I wasn't in bed sleeping by ten...
...But after a while I got over that.
Melinda who cleaned my room taught me to say thanks and you're welcome in Spanish, gracias, donata. She knew to clean my room last. I always left a nice tip. Then I'd walk five flights down. The elevator was too fast for a man living a lazy pace.
Jilly at the restaurant out back always had my coffee ready. She'd say, "Your want some sugar with that?"
I loved my morning coffee out on the deck under the awning overlooking the pool and the snow cone cabanas with the green and white striped tops.
Exotic birds would perch around and sing on the railings, hop onto the tables, walk up to the plates and pick at the leftovers. They'd chatter a little to make sure I knew it was their plate. "No problem."
Sometimes people would strike up a conversations and I got to practice giving one-word answers, saying as little as possible. I always smiled. I just wasn't over talkative.
After a while I'd stroll down the veranda and onto the beach. Pelicans in groups of three or five glided low over the Gulf. I couldn't believe how big they were; gliding in formation, then suddenly one dives down and comes up with a fish. Who would've knowns this stuff really existed outside of postcards? I mean, dolphins in the ocean instead of hypodermics and trash. The gulf was warm and the waves were low. Sleek black birds I'd never seen before, with long arching necks and slicked back feathers sat on top of pilings and preened. To me they looked like sea ducks or ocean swans, so that's what I called them. The whole place was soothing, serene, and surreal.
People walked the beach, mostly alone. Sometimes they said hi with a nod. All I had to do was just touch the brim of my hat and smile. Shit, I couldn't help smiling. I was constantly amazeds at the old guys in hot pink short-shorts with their cheeks peeking out, and muscle shirts with baggy skin and brown sun blisters.
Then I thought how I must've looked and got over it. They were smiling at me too, in my cargo shorts and baseball hat, but at least my teeth were real.
The only time I ever saw shells like the ones on this beach was in shops with prices too high. First I said to myself, maybe I'll collect a few. But they were all so beautiful I couldn't just take one. I wanted them all, and believe me, I tried. But how many beautiful things can one man carry? So, I said, well, then I don't want any. If I can't have 'em all, I don't want none. That left me feeling pretty miserable. By the time I got down to the big rocks at the channel where the sailboats came through and Jimmy Buffett music was playing over on the marina deck on the other side, I decided it was probably okay just to choose one.
Somehow that one shell could stand for all of them, and for the place, and the feeling, and the time, and the comfort... and the healing. And it did. So I picked one. Maybe it was that way with women too. I was beginning to see I was no expert, not by a long shot.
By the time I had one side of me pretty well sun burnt I'd turn around and head back, just to even out my color. It doesn't take long to walk a few miles on the beach once you start. But you never realize how far you've walked 'til its time to go back.
By the end of the day couple were in the hot tub, families were in the pool. Lou at the towel stand had my two waiting, one for the lounge chair, one for my head. I'd stretch out, close my eyes, pull my hat down, and listen myself to sleep.
Happy sounds - kids splashing and laughing - mothers calling - lovers whispering - sea birds - vacation conversations: Where you from? Where you from? What do you do? And what do you do? - And nobody really caring, just enjoying the accents - the pleasant smells - suntan lotion - the ocean - the afternoon air all around me.
Time would go by, I never knew how much, and it didn't matter - take a deep breath, get up slow and slip into the hot tub, lay back against a jet and luxuriate......Once I had a conversation with a woman in the hot tub about lonliness.
The sky was going from blue to dark blue.
The sun was going down and there was one staron the horizon just above her head.
Her eyes reminded me of Molly
She said maybe we could have dinner together.
I lied and said I couldn't. I hadn't been lonely up to that point, but dinner in my room that night was so pitiful I could't finish it. I do admit, the nights were rough.
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